Our first official episode. I think we may get this down before episode 10.

Check us out at these locations:

Podomatic

The Nerdsphere

The Autobot City Forum

My friend and I thought we'd give podcasting a try. Here's to our pilot episode.

Check us out at these locations:

Podomatic

The Nerdsphere

The Autobot City Forum

Paul McCartney Concert Aftermath

Rejection after Rejection…My Mental Therapy Blog

* WARNING *
The following blog will be long and quite personal from me. I’m sorry if it sounds like a lot of bitching and moaning, but this is what I need right now. Any advice is welcomed, but please leave the harsh criticism out. I honestly can't handle that right now.

Many of you follow me on Facebook and/or Twitter and most of you know that lately I’ve been in a bitter mood, but most do not know why. The reason why is that if I start talking about stuff I’ll start crying and I don’t want to put that kind of emotion strain on others. I have some people in my life that I call my “Emotional Vampires”; these people are ones that take up so much time and effort because they need so much attention that it is emotionally draining to one’s soul. After dealing with such folks, you honestly don’t want to be around anyone else or even think of your own issues. Because I deal with so many of these vampires, I keep many of my feelings locked up because I do not want anyone else to have to deal with this exhausting process. But here and now on this blog, I’m taking the time to get it all out in the open.

Rejection #1 - My Job

Rejected by Employer for Career Status

This is the one thing I have no problem gripping about as most of you know. I just wish that more people knew how frustrating that place is. Some of you work there or have worked there and do know what hell it truly is. First all I’ve been there for over five years now and I’m still classified as a temporary employee. How so? Well every 6-9 months my work fires us then rehires us five days later. This is so they don’t have to give us T.E. (transitional employees) any benefits. There are people there who are considered Career employees. These people do the EXACT same job as me, but they don’t have to worry about any disciplinary actions or even working to get their stats up, because they’re home free, meaning it’s hard to get them fired. Oh these people that do the exact same job as me, get paid twice as much, have benefits and vacation. Yeah, that’s fair isn’t it?!? Good ol’ government work. Like I said before, the more I work for the government the less confidence I have in it. Plus, I’ve been having issues with my paycheck and I can’t get anyone to help me because I’m not a Career employee. H.R. is impossible to get to because they are literally blocked off from the rest of the building. Yet again, that does not make any sense to me?!? I’ve asked several people in the building how I can become a Career employee and each time not one person, not even the big wigs, can give me a straight answer.

Rejected because I can’t get a straight answer or help from work.

Rejection #2 -My Weight and My Health

Rejected by My Own Body

This is probably my biggest reason for my depression and has been for years now. About five years ago I was diagnosed with P.C.O.S. (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). It seems this is becoming more and more a problem with women these days, but that doesn’t mean that doctors know anymore than they did a few years ago. I was diagnosed with this when I went to the doctor because I was gaining extreme weight in hardly any time. Truth be told, I gained 60 pounds in less than seven weeks. Then because of this I gained another 15-20 due to the depression over it. Yep, I gained nearly 80 pounds in less than three months time. Since that time, I’ve been to several weight loss clinics, tired just about every over the counter weight loss drug and diet plan, had a personal trainer and dietitians and many doctors who put me on clinical drugs. I’ve even tried the expensive HCG diet that many of my friends are finding successful. As of today, I’ve cut my caloric intake to 800 calories or less, and go to the gym at least an hour a day. My success rate in the past four years: a whole whopping 10 pounds and several thousands of dollars in debt.

Along with the weight gain with P.C.O.S. comes the lovely girly issues…*WARNING AGAIN* OB/GYN stuff is being mentioned. Oh good ol’ hormones! I wish many days I was a man so I would have to deal with such crap! I have had major girly issues since I was 13. You’d think after 20 years that at least one doctor could figure out how to fix me. Well, in April I finally got to go to an expert and it only took me 10 months to get in to see her, even she said she’s never seen a case like mine. Two months later, with many, many, many uncomfortable tests (not to mention the cost) they came to the conclusion that I’m all sorts of messed up. One physician even said “Huh, you have an interesting set up here”. Yeah, just what every woman wants to hear while on your back in stir-ups! Apparently I have extra parts to my system, hence why I’ve been so messed up since I was young. In the end my main doctor told I just have to have my body works things out for itself, while being on hormone therapy, get a hysterectomy or try several experimental surgeries.

This is the main thing that sends me crying to sleep each night. There has never been such horrible news given to me in my life than the words “You most likely will never be able to have children”. The only thing I have ever know about my life is that I wanted to have children and to know that I may never have that experience sends me into the biggest spiral of depression. The doctor has given me some options, but they are not guaranteed. Even though it’s not likely, I have taken up these options. There’s no way that I’m giving up the chance to have children! Hence, many surgeries are in my future.

Rejected for child bearing because I have messed up innards.

Rejection #3 - Insurance

Rejected by a Company I Pay A Lot of Money To

This goes kind of with the last category. Well, with my health issues many surgeries are in the planning and one of them is Gastric Bypass. This is not a surgery I ever thought I’d have, but with my extensive tests and three doctors opinions, each told me that the only way that I can or will ever lose the weight most likely through this surgery. This is because my body is holding onto hormones in my stomach that rarely get released. So my body is holding onto the fat and other hormones as if I was in starvation mode. To get my body to lose weight, the doctors have to cut that portion of my stomach out. That’s basically why I have to get Gastric Bypass. But, even with three doctors with drawn out letters, tests and recommendations, my insurance still is giving me the run around and told me it’ll be at least 12 weeks for the decision and even then I may get rejected for the surgery.

Guess I just have to get used to being a fat pig the rest of my life.

Rejected because it’s insurance. Insurance companies always screw you over!

Rejection #3 - Dating Relationships

Rejected by the Opposite Sex

No surprise here about this issue, hence the “single” status. There’s nothing as enjoyable as being a 30+ year old single woman living in Utah (hope you picked up on that sarcasm there). I did give up on dating for a few years, because of my extensive track record with such winners (as I call them) “The Rapist”, “The Con-Artist”, “The Secret Agent”, “The Preacher” and “The Druggy”. Yep, this is a small list of such winners I’ve ended up with and they were as lovely as they sounded. The last true relationship I was in was with the man I was unofficially engaged to (no ring, hence unofficial in Utah standards). He ended our relationship by telling me he just got home from his Honeymoon. Yep, he was engaged to me and not just one, but two other women. So when people tell me “You’re just picky, you need to lower your dating standards”, I just look at them and wonder; “How much lower can I get”? I guess I can date the homeless or check under the rugs.

I know this may come to some as a shocker, but I do go out on dates now and then and each time I come home and either cry or just stare up at the ceiling in shock and awe about these men. Most of these men have extreme baggage, but hey, I’m not one to judge too much, I’m willing to give anyone a chance. I’ve come to the conclusion that these men only want sex or a woman around so they don’t have to pay for day care, nothing of a true romantic relationship. I’ve told many people out there most men don’t want a woman like me. I’m kind of like the “Clearance Model”. Either I’m too old, too fat (this is #1 I’m positive), too childish or the guy doesn’t want to have any more children. That’s my biggest deal breaker. I’m not going through all these tests and surgeries for nothing, but with most men my age, they’re done having children or they’re old enough to know that they never want kids. Guess I’ll get back into dating when I’m 50.

Rejected because I’ve passed my prime dating period.

Rejection #5 - School and Continuing Education

Rejected by Government Grants and Loan Companies

I never heard of anyone getting rejected for a student loan, that was until 3 weeks ago that I got a letter saying I didn’t qualify for a loan. Then two days later, yet another rejection notice came my way. These rejections came after I gave up on applying for government grants. One grant I applied for was actually through the school. The lady there told me I have a 96% chance of getting this grant. She’s never seen anyone turned away from this grant that was over 30. Well, I fit into that 4% category. I was denied because I am single with no children and have too much disposable income, which comes off as ironic to me since according to my taxes records from last year, I’m on the poverty line. I understand not getting grants because of my “lifestyle”, but why am I being denied loans? I have a great credit score and good history on paying my bills. I even have my car as collateral. My friend told me that it’s because the economy is down and private companies and being finicky with loans. That once it picks back up, my chances are a lot greater. I guess that’s good news, but I don’t see the economy picking up anytime soon. Do you?

What really hurt my self esteem was at the beginning of the year when I applied for a Helicopter school, so that I can become a Life Flight pilot. This is what I would love to do for a career, but again…rejected. Why? Because of my weight. Again this damn weight is ruining my chance for something great. Helicopter pilots need a weight limit and I’m way over that limit. So until I can get into that range, this dream job is put on hold.

Rejected because of my lifestyle.

Rejection #6 - Jobs and Career Advancements

Rejected by Employers and Companies

Because I honestly can’t stand my job anymore, I’ve been job hunting. If there is anything I hate the most in life it’s the frustrations with job hunting. I rather be someplace I hate than job hunting, but that place of work is so exasperating right now, I rather job hunt. I’ve probably applied for about 100+ jobs in the past 2 months and haven’t even heard from a ¼ of them. What ones I do hear from, they just send a generic letter saying I didn’t get the job. One place did respond back to me saying they were looking for someone fresh out of the school that has the potential of staying with the company for a long period of time. Sounds like an age discrimination thing, but I don’t have the energy or care to fight it. Most of rejections are because I don’t have the advanced degree or schooling for it, even though I have the experience most want that piece of paper aka diploma saying I can handle it.

Rejected because of Schooling

I really do try to stay optimistic about life, but lately it’s easier said than done. A person can only take so much negativity in their life before the little black clouds becomes a thunderstorm. It hit me the other day (literally) when I got an email from one of my “emotional vampires” and that was what throw me over the edge as I took a chair and threw it across the room. My frustration at the end of the days usually ends with me hitting myself, screaming into a pillow or crying myself to sleep. I hate this person I’ve become. I’m violent, hateful, filled with rage and jealousy of others. I don’t blame people for not wanting to be around me. I know I wouldn’t want to. I truly feel sorry for my co-workers and family who have to be around me. I’m sure they try to avoid me at every chance, that is until I can shake this gloomy feeling. I just want something to go right with life, just a little glimmer of hope that there is something good coming my way. I feel like I’m stuck in a corner with life and walls are starting to cave in. Damn this depression!

I honestly think I’m bi-polar or suffer from manic depression because I do have highs during the day, but they don’t compare to lows I experience. One reason why I have been avoiding people is because I honestly can take their good news. When someone tells me that they’re getting married, having a baby, got a job promotion or even got a fun little item I truly am happy for them at first, but within a few minutes envy and jealousy streams through my system and I find myself hating that it couldn’t be me. "Why can’t I have this? Why can I never share good news"? I feel like I’m trying so hard to make a better life for me, but I’m going nowhere. Maybe this is where I am supposed to be for now. If that’s the case, I think I’m going to need more chocolate.

Real World Iacon...That's My Voice!

As most people know, I'm about a geeky as they come. Needless to say, I'm proud of it too! As part of my geekiness, I'm a pretty involved member of the Transformers community (go on ahead a laugh, but again I love it). Well about three months ago a fairly well know voice actor asked me to help with this year's BotCon video for amatuers. Jon is such a talented man, I'm surprised he asked me to help him. I was very happy he asked me, but very surprised too. I wasn't able to go to this year's BotCon celebration, but in the end, we won the competition and Jon was able to take in the big moment there in front of thousands.

The video is about Well known Transformers living in a "Real World" situation. Even if you're not a fan of Transformers, it's a great laugh!

YouTube Linkage
Jon Bailey: The Man of a 1000 Voices.

Twitter Sucker

Yes, I've finally joined the rest of the sheep and signed up for a Twitter account. Not sure how to use it or why yet, but it's where some good gossip comes about. Me being so social, I have to be part of the "in crowd". So follow me and my 160 character messages.

www.twitter.com/beatlesdiva

England Bound...Again

So as of last night it is official...I'm headed off to England again! Last year I hardly had any time there. I spent just about as much time travelling to get there as the time I spent there. I loved my short vacation but this August it's going to be better. I'm actually going to spend some time with friends in their hometown in Newcastle where (if I can do some sweet convincing) I'll get to go see where the castle that they use for Hogwarts in the Harry Potter film. I'm so excited to meet up with my buddies again. A year is a long time to see people you've grown so close with! But I'm also very excited that I actually get to see more of the British ways. I just hope they can handle a home-spun American gal like myself.

Who Say’s I Can’t Claim the Title of “Mom”?!

Mothers Day’s just passed and I hope all mommies everywhere got to celebrate their special day. Looking back just on the past week alone, I realize I can claim the title of Mom. I may have not given birth or official adopted some individuals, but I treat and help raise these adults as would any mom would.

There as a few people in my life, who are fairly close to my age that I claim as my kids (or should). I pick them up to and from work and activities, I go to support their performances and games, check on where they will be for the rest of the day, handed out allowances, I’ve even packed a few lunches, then if I have time I go and visited a friend in the hospital. I’ve actually been to see them more than their real family, all of this in a week’s time.

Then of course there are my puppies, who I do claim as my children, and I beg to differ to anyone that they are not kids. I have to disipline them, bath them, entertain them, make sure they get to bed the same time every night, I take them to the doctors and make sure they have a happy life. Plus, I'm sure I spend more money and time with them than some other mothers do with their own kids.

As much as I love helping others, this week I felt the stress of motherhood like no other, as my muscles are so tense that I can barely move my head back and forth. To all my friends who claim the title of “Motherhood” I salute you!

It's been a long time since I've written, but I could let the day pass without telling all the mommies and adopted mothers a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! It's your day and I hope y'all get spoiled.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Most people know that I love holidays, especially the ones where I get to dress up. Today being St. Patty's Day, I can't help be go all out in green, green and more green. I even did two variations on my looks. So fun!

I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday celebration and may the luck of the Irish be with you!

Happy New Year...Again

Man! I remember those good ol' days when I used to blog almost every other day and now I’m lucky if I do it once a month. I wish I could say that my months are filled with fun and excitement, but mostly my life is boring and full of routines. But that’s all going to change…hopefully.

Yes, it’s New Year’s again! With that statement you probably think I’ve lost it, but oh contraire…it’s the start of the Chinese New Year and the time of year when I make my resolutions. It gives me a few more weeks of preping myself. I’m doing the same thing as most and starting a diet/health plan that my doctor has put me on. I hope this one finally works. I need to look somewhat good when I head to San Diego in May. My other resolution is to get on a decent sleep schedule. Right now my body is so wacked out from sleep deprivation; I honestly think that one reason why I’m overweight and depressed a lot. NO MORE! It starts tonight, at least I hope so.

And I could leave y’all with the mention of Chinese New Year and not give you what this year means, me being the Astrology geek that I am.

February 14 marks the start of the Chinese New Year, the year of the metal. What significance does the tiger have for the fate of the New Year? Headstrong, dangerous, and at times rash, the tiger endows a year with uncertainty and danger, according to the Chinese zodiac.

Consisting of 12 animal signs (rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog and pig), and five elements (metal, water, wood, fire and earth), each combination occurs every 60 years. The last year of the metal tiger, February 1950 to February 1951, was tumultuous. The Korean War began, Senator Joseph McCarthy started his “witch-hunt” for communists, and US president Truman ordered the construction of the hydrogen bomb. According to Chinese mythology, metal does not go well with the tiger. In other words, 2010 will not be a quiet or peaceful year.

Due to the tumultuous nature of tiger years, success is said to only be obtainable if you act quickly and are proactive in life. Throughout the history, tiger years are associated with turmoil, political and social instability. That is why 2010 is expected to be a challenging year. Another reason for this is a metal element, which is not a very compatible element for the tiger, say Chinese astrologists. Tiger prefers wood and fire. This year is expected to be a tough year and parents who believe in Chinese astrology should observe caution.The Year of the Metal Tiger is expected to be relatively more unsettled and challenging compared with 2009.

The country (USA) will also experience a relatively modest economic growth compared with the Earth Ox in 2009 where it recorded a negative economic growth. Year 2010 is a Metal Tiger or Metal over Wood and since metal attacks wood it indicates it is a turbulent or unsettled year for our country and the world at large. In particular, there will be an increase in social unrest, more political uncertainties and turbulence, and natural disasters.

Overall, sectors or industries represented by the elements of Metal and Wood will experience healthier growth than other industries. Industries represented by Fire and Earth will experience a modest growth while those related to the Water element are likely to experience slower or below average GDP growth for the Metal Tiger Year compared with last year.On the local stock market front, it will be range-bound but on an upward bias, particularly in the first half of the year, with a tendency to consolidate in the second half of 2010.

Although predictions for 2010, based on the Chinese horoscopes, vary, the underlying message of Chinese New Year is one of peace and happiness for everyone.

art by szitakoto on deviantart.com

It’s a New Year

I know I’ve really been out of the loop with a majority of my friends and I’m truly sorry, but for some reason I just don’t have the energy these days to be social. I know me…not being social!?! But I finally have a day off and I get to look back on 2009. Yeah it had its major down times, but it was bombarded with some great times that kick the bad times in the butt!

2009 started off with me going down to Las Vegas a few times to see my sister in the hospital which was probably the worst thing that happened to me personally in the year. I hated to see her is so much pain and discomfort, it just broke my heart, but seeing Tiff at Thanksgiving, she looks like she’s taking a slow but good recovery. I also quit my job with a boss I truly adore.

I still miss everyone I worked with at the Document Group, but I quit so I could go on a once in a lifetime trip to Australia and New Zealand. I got to go see the Opera House in Sydney and play with the local wildlife and the people were just amazing.

Once I got back home about a month later, I started to plan my next trip which was to England. I had too much fun in Birmingham playing with my fellow geeks and nerds. Next time I need to spend more than 4 days there!

But the day before I left for England I got the best things that happened to me this year. I got my beautiful Westie twins Nuke and Tazer. These two light up my life everyday!

Once back from England I got to plan yet another trip, this one to Las Vegas, but not for another hospital stay. I got to play with a couple of my girlfriends April and Ashley. I haven’t seen Ashley in years so it was great catching up with her. The best thing was when Ash was being harassed by the Coca-Cola bear. So funny!

Then onto Halloween. I love this holiday. I can honestly say it’s the only holiday I truly look forward to. I elaborate on my rotting corpse which made it “extra special” one can say.

After Halloween, not much happened, mostly due to the overtime at work. As much as I complain about that place, I’m very grateful that I have it. I know so many others that for their Christmas presents from work, they got laid off.

This year I’ve learned to stay in touch with friends old and new, tell your loved ones you love them each time you see or talk with them and don’t let life get in the way of finding new places to venture to, even if they’re all in your imagination.

Here’s to making 2010 the best yet!

Get Your Stamp Cancellations from the North Pole

Did you know that you can obtain the North Pole Postmark on a letter from Santa or on a greeting card? Here’s how to do it.

A letter from Santa
Write a letter to your child and sign it “from Santa”. Place the letter into an envelope addressed to your child with the return address from Santa, North Pole. Please make sure you have a First-Class stamp affixed to the envelope. Place that envelope into a larger envelope, with the appropriate postage and address the larger envelope with this address:

On Greeting Cards
Write your greeting cards like you normally would. Place the cards into their envelopes, addressed and stamped as normal. Either have the return address from the NORTH POLE or from you and your address. Then place the greeting cards into a larger envelope or box, with the appropriate postage and address it to:

North Pole Holiday Cancellation
Postmaster
4141 Postmark Dr.
Anchorage, AK 99530-9998

All mail needs to be received in Anchorage, AK before December 15, 2009. After that date, they should be sent via Express Mail.

~*~ This is a new address this year ~*~

Creating a Corpse

Here's a video of what I went through to get ready for Halloween. I miss Halloween already :-(

Sunny Fun Sunday