Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Depression and My Upcoming Surgery

I have a lot on my mind and this is a post just to get those thoughts out there so I may finally relax and it's to inform you of what personal hell I've been going through lately. So if I have appeared to be depressed, out of it, forgetful, anti-social, just plan hateful or crying out of the blue, I hope you'll understand why.

Yesterday I signed the papers to the biggest and toughest decision of my life!

WARNING: Long post ahead.

In three weeks I will be undergoing a hysterectomy and oophorectomy. My whole life I was never dedicated to any decision about my future, except the one of being a mother. It pains me to think I'll never look into the eyes of a child and not see myself, never experience the joyful pain of a little one kicking me from the inside, getting crazy food cravings from pregnancy or finally getting a baby shower of my own have after the few dozen I've given. I've come to realize that if kids are in my future, adoption is the only way to go.

So many people I've talked to shrug this off as something simple. They tell me it's OK, that I'm too old to have kids, or that having kids isn't as great as I think it is or my favorite...I don't think you would be a good mom anyway. These tiny words that have been spoken to me, dig deep! I feel as if I was never good enough to have children and the depression sky rockets. I just ask that when I talk to you about this issue, NEVER use these sentences.

I know many people will ask about what is wrong with my health, so I'll put it out there. It's not an easy thing to talk about with many, so I'm writing it down here for you (even this way, it is very difficult to share). I'm going to get VERY, VERY, VERY PERSONAL here in a moment. If you are uncomfortable about hearing about anatomy, especially dealing with women's sex organs and how things work down there, stop here. If you want to know what kind of medical anomaly or freak show I am continue on.
I've been seeing an OB/GYN since I was 13 because of my issues. Periods that last months (yes months), bleeding which made my highly anemic because of so much blood and tissue loss. I have cramps which literally would bring me down because I was having contractions and my body would go into labor even without a baby inside. Unlike pregnant women, I get to deal with this pain every two to three months. So I get to experience all the pain of labor has without the reward of child afterward.

In the past few weeks I've been entertaining many doctors with my girly bits because it looks like I may have swallowed my twin in the womb. I have two uteruses, one which is split in half basically creating a third uterus, known as uterus didelphys. Fun huh!?! This is what was creating my extra long periods. With three uteruses, they were just bleeding me out, one after another. Along with that I have two cervix and three ovaries; one which is hiding behind my bowels making use the toilet very painful, but this has been going on for so many years, I thought it was normal. So ladies, when you complain about your period, just think about having three at a time. Or better yet, when you go into the OB/GYN to get a pap-smear, think about having to get three at once.

Oh but the good times don't end there. My uterine walls are SO thick, that they are smashing into each other causing them the collapse in my lower abdomen, making getting a biopsy impossible. And if I was sexually active, sex would also be impossible because of this. I've also been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) where I have cysts growing in my ovaries. These cysts rupture causing me even more pain on top of cramps. Lately the ruptures are happening about once a week.

Told you I was going to get personal!

Because of the complications, I'm having a high risk surgery. My doctor thinks I may also have extra kidney tubes as well, that connects to all of this mess which makes the surgery even more complicated. I'll find that out later this week. I ask if you're the praying type to keep me in your prayers. This is scary for me and very depressing at the same time. I've put this off for so long thinking that science may have come up with something by now to help me, but I honestly can't deal with the pain, inconvenience and discomfort any more. I may ask many times to be alone, before and after my surgery. I hope that you honor that request. I'm a person that deals with stuff like this by thinking it out.

Thank you for listening! I'll keep you informed about my upcoming surgery.

PS - Is if wrong that I want to see all my organs after my surgery? I want to see what kind of un-human system I created.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

A Year Later...

This is the weekend that marks the anniversary of my horrible car accident. I need to get things off my mind, so I apologize in advance if this is wordy.

The Saturday of the Memorial Day weekend 2013, I was doing my usual routine of going picking up my Powerade from Carl's Jr. and heading to work. I didn't know that this would be the morning that would change my life. I was driving North on Redwood Road headed towards I-215. I was going through the green light at the intersection of 7200 South when all of a sudden a minivan came out of nowhere and t-boned me on the driver's side. I truly didn't see him coming!

The impact broke and fractured over two dozen bones in my body, most of them in my foot. The impact was so great that the engine landed on my foot and the bones just scattered in all directions. My elbow went through the driver's side window requiring many stitches, my pinky on my left hand was broken along with a couple of bones in my wrist. Along with facial wounds and badly fractured ribs, clavicles and vertebrae, my femur was shattered. Shattered to the point that even after a year my leg is still broken.

I'm not going to sugar coat it, this past year has been very hard! The physical recovery alone is painful, but the mental anguish is what has, and still is, the worst part. Shortly after my accident, there was a news report about an accident almost identical to mine, except the man, a father of two young children, was killed. Survivor guilt set in big time! Depression, hate and rage were the emotions of choice this day. Why was I saved and not this man? This is just the first of many times that I would end up crying because of the news of someone else's accident. My rage has been out of control many times in the past year and I truly am sorry for it, along with me being anti-social. Many days, I just want to sleep the day away never to think about what may be happening with others. Again I'm sorry for my selfishness and I promise to get better with that.

In the past year I have had many experiences with how wonderful the people are in my life! From all the wonderful message of support and love, to the fund raisers given to me by Matt Clarke and Tricia Hansen and everyone that sent in donations. There are a couple of people that I need to thank more than anyone...that is my sister Tiffany and my mother Eve. My life would have had a different ending if it weren't for these two taking care of me! I want to thank each and everyone of my family members and friends who have helped me through this difficult time. I know I could never pay you back, but I'll try my best. Here's to a better tomorrow!
Loves & Hugs

Monday, April 14, 2014

The Good, The Ugly and The Batroc: Fanboy Versus Reviews Captain America 2 - The Winter Soldier


Now that you've had a chance to see Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier, sit back, relax and listen to your favorite comic book geeks tell you what WE think about the latest Marvel Movie adventure.  We give you details about some characters you may not know about, our predictions for what we want in future Marvel movies and of course it wouldn't be Fanboy Versus without going off-topic from time to time.

PS - I apologize for the sound quality.  It was the first time recording on this computer.
Click here to listen online

Click here to subscribe to Fanboy Versus via iTunes

Monday, October 28, 2013

Moonbase 2 - Episode 267

Andy has invited Tricky and myself to join him to tell of the lastest Transformers news.  Watch out, things can get a bit crazy with us!



Sunday, September 8, 2013

2013 Salt Lake Comic-Con...Slapping the Complainers!

*gets up on soap box*

The last three days to me were amazing!  I got to go to the first ever Salt Lake Comic-Con and couldn't have asked for a better time.  I see so many people complaining about it and I'm going to defend every aspect of it right now.

1.  "It was too crowded.  Too many people there.  They need to limit the ticket sales."
My Answer:  Yes there were tons of people there, thousands of people there, but guess what...they all wanted to be there.  You're not the only ones who wanted this to happen!  For an event that figured there were only going to be 20, 000 people to end up with nearly 80,000 people, I think they handle it fairly well.  Crowds?  Yeah there are going to be crowds no matter what convention you go to!  You can't expect a huge organization to plan an event with many celebrities so only you and your closest 100 friends can go?!?  Don't like people, you better stay home then or learn to get along with others! 

2. "They need to make this for adults only.  There were too many kids."
My Answer:  Welcome to Utah!  We have kids here!  If you want an adult only attraction, go to one of the bars.  Despite what you think, we have bars here and you can go and play with people your own age there. 
I loved seeing all the kids (aka future nerds) being there. The joy in their eyes and the smile on their faces, told the fact this was a great event!

3.  Then there was the other side... "This was not family friendly!  I won't bring my kids here again".
My Answer:   I was
there with a couple of children (ages 8 &15), I thought it was very family friendly.  The Lego table was a big hit!  I personally didn't see any costumes that were inappropriate, everyone covered up as much as you'd see at the beach.  Many people are already planning on going next year and bringing their children because they want to be a part of it.

4.  "They need to get rid of the LDS (Mormon) sponsors.  Thanks to the Mormons we couldn't have this on Sunday".  "They need to do it outside a Mormon venue".
My Answer:  If something goes wrong in the state of Utah, just blame the Mormons! *eye rolls*  First off, yes there were some LDS company sponsors, but if you don't want them there, write to them, tell them you don't want their money there and you'll be covering the cost of their sponsorships.  I'm sure you can afford that!  As for the Sunday issues, that was not the Mormons who did this, it was the decision of Dan Farr.  There were too many events happening downtown on Sunday and I thought it was wise not to add this to the confusion.  And to the lady that complained about it being in a "Mormon" venue, I'm sorry but you can't blame the Mormons on this!  The Salt Palace is County owned...go blame them, but only after doing research.

5.  "They need a bigger venue. They need to have some activities outside"
My Answer:  Tell me of a larger venue in Salt Lake (or even the state)?  Energy Solutions Arena and the Maverick Center may have more seating, but not enough floor space. Outside, in Utah?  I'm sorry this isn't San Diego where the weather is perfect all the time.  Plus, did you see the downpour we had the last two days?!?  Wouldn't that have been fun to experience!!

6.  "San Diego Comic-Con this...San Diego Comic-Con that".
My Answer:  You're right people, this isn't SDCC!  San Diego has had years to perfect their event and still it's not perfectly run.  Be patient, give it time and it will only get better each year.

7.  "The smell was horrible"
My Answer:  This must be your first convention I see.

8.  "The concessions were expensive"
My Answer:  I see you've never been outside to ANY event that sold concessions.  The prices were high, but it was expected.

9.  "I can't believe they were charging for autographs and pictures with the celebrities".
My Answer:  This is typical of any convention.  I've only been to one convention (Auto Assembly in the UK) where this doesn't happen.

10.  "The lines were too long".
My Answer:  Didn't you read the suggestions on the website.  It said to plan on waiting to get in.  I planned on about a two hour wait to get in the first day and actually it was only 90 minutes.  This is usually the worst part of a convention is to get inside.  You just have to plan ahead.

11.  "The swag bags had nothing in them".My Answer:  What did you expect...REALLY?  I want to know.  This first SLCC was sponsored by media groups.  Most media groups don't have "stuff" to give out (unless you want a lot of advertising, which will be thrown away anyhow).  Once SLCC gets retail sponsors you many have a gift item or two, but until then all I have to say is you pay for the convention and the experience of the convention, not the swag bag!

12.  "They need to get more people from Hollywood and less about the comics".
My Answer:  Hummm...hello?  I believe it's called COMIC CON, not Hollywood's list of annoying people who don't care to be around geeks.  Honestly I thought the guest list was amazing!  Stan Lee, William Shatner and Adam West all in the same room?  I'm surprised that place didn't exploded with the awesomeness!

Was this a perfect convention?  Oh no!  But what event is?
If you didn't have a good time, the only person to blame is yourself.  Planning goes a long way with big events like this!  I had an amazing time and I want to thank the crew, the volunteers and all my new friends for showing me how geek Utah can be!


Nicole and  Stan "The Man" Lee


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Back to the Eighties - Inside the Eighties Studio #1: Hailstorm

Many thanks to Glenn for giving me the opportunity to do this! First off, it's an honor to be the first guest on this new segment of the podcast and second, I loved speaking geek with one of my favorite people. It was a lot of fun to got back to my childhood and think of all the great times I had.  It was a great decade!  So if you want to hear what I was like and what interested me as a kid, here's your chance!

Welcome to the very first episode of a brand new regular feature on BTTE! Every week, Glenn will whisk someone off in the nostalgia TARDIS, and ask them about some of their favourite things about the 1980s were, what gives them all warm fuzzy feelings when they remember! The very first guest is someone we all know and love - Nicole, aka Hailstorm! Many thanks to Nicole for being so great and lovely!

Thursday, July 25, 2013


This week Andy, Mikey and Nicole (yes shes back again) talk about this weeks ep of Prime and how Prime (as a series) could have been taken to the next generation of amazing transformer cartoons.



Monday, July 22, 2013

MOONBASE 2 - Episode 252

San Diego Comic-Con 2013 people and more transformers news appear and so the Moonbase 2 crew appear again to talk about it.



Friday, July 19, 2013


Another episode of Prime and this time we persuaded (get it.....name of the ep was Persuasion....? no...sigh) another guest to join us, slight technical issues in this show so please bare with it :)



Monday, July 15, 2013

Friday, July 12, 2013

Monday, July 8, 2013

MOONBASE 2 - Episode 250

So with botcon done with for another year you might think this would be a short show with little to talk about, you of course are wrong as Nicole joins us again.



Friday, July 5, 2013

MASTERPRIME THEATER - EPISODE 39: Beast Hunters Evolution

So this is the reason why you shouldnt have two girls on a transformers podcast even when talking about the new episode of Transformers Prime: Beast Hunters.  Let's just say things get dirty with Aimee and Nicole and poor Andy just has to sit back and listen.



Follow Andy - @CCTFW
Follow Aimee - @LadyOfWreck

Monday, July 1, 2013

Moonbase 2 - Episode 249: BOTCON!!!

It's that time of year again people, thats right its BOTCON! We cover the news with Andy, Tricky and Nicole.  Oh so much good plastic crack coming our way!



Follow Andy - @CCTFW
Follow Tricky - @Tricky1414

Monday, May 13, 2013


No Triplette this week. We have a good discussion of the news, including our current thoughts on DC and The New 52. We unintentionally make it a Marvel Now week. We give reviews of Avengers, Uncanny Avengers, Alpha and end the show with some potentially surprising thoughts on Deadpool.